The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The lined graph illustrates per capita carbon dioxide emissions in four eEuropean countries over the period from 1967 to 2007. The uUnited kKingdom had the highest emissions per person throughout almost the entire fourty years. There were bsignificant fluctuations, with a peak in the late 1970s at over 3,000 kg and then, followed by a decline till end to around 2,000 kg per person. by the end of the period. Sweden's emissions wasere consistently the lowest of the four countries, stayremaining relatively stable, ranging from approximately 1,500 kg to 2,000 kg per individual. The trend for sSweden is mostly flat over the 40-years period. In compareison, iItaly and pPortugal both started with similar low levels of CO2 emissions per person at startthe beginning, but diverged in later years. Italy's per capita emissions riosed sharply in the first half of the time frame to, peaking above 2,000 kg around 1980. After that, emissions dropped steeply and stabilised at just over 1,500 kg by 2007. On the another hand, pPortugal had the most drammatic rise in emission levels. TheyIt remained low until the 1980s but then climbed rapidly, overtaking iItaly and sSweden to reach more than 2,000 kg for each citizen atby the end of the period. Overall, the uUnited kKingdom havd the highest emissions per person despite droppa declinge in later years. Portugal increased the most over the period to, ending with the second highest emissions. Italy and sSweden both remained relatively steady and low in compare toison to the other two countries.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarises the main features of the graph and makes relevant comparisons, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and ensuring accurate data representation. Further improvements could involve enhancing vocabulary variety and ensuring all comparisons are clearly articulated. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For example, the transition between discussing Sweden and Italy could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences would enhance the clarity of the writing.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('Sweden's emissions was' should be 'were') and incorrect verb forms ('droped' should be 'dropped'). These errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'emissions' and 'kg'). Some word choices are incorrect or awkward, such as 'individul' instead of 'individual' and 'drammatic' instead of 'dramatic.' To improve, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, and there are minor inaccuracies in the details provided. For improvement, the writer could ensure that all data points are accurately represented and that comparisons are more clearly articulated.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The table below gives information about consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.