The graph below shows average monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph shows the average temperature in months for three city, nies: New yYork, lLondon, and tTokyo. The Hhorizontal axis is forrepresents the months, from jJanuary to dDecember in one year. And, while the verticale axis is forndicates temperature, from -5 celcius degreeranging from -5 degrees Celsius to 30 degree cs Celcsius. It is clear from graficthe graph that tTokyo has the hottest temperatures in the summer months compared to the other cityies, reaching a peak above 25 degrees in aAugust. But,However, the temperatures are similar to nNew yYork in winter months, with both staying above 0 degrees even in the coldest month of jJanuary and fFebruary. On the other hand, lLondon has a more stabler temperature throughout the year compared to tTokyo and nNewy York. The temperature range in tTokyo is wider, forom around 5 degrees in jJan.uary to approximately 27 degrees in Aug.ust, whereas in lLondon, the range is much more narrower, staying between 5 to 20° only in whol degrees only throughout the year. For nNewy York, the low temperatures in winter same like tare similar to those in Tokyo, but noit does not get as hot in the summaer months. In the conculusion, Tokyo hasexhibits the most variation in monthly temperatures, followed by nNew yYork, while lLondon showings the least variation from summer to winter. All 3three cityies havinge temperatures above zero even in the cold months, and the grafph also shows that Tokyo experience mores hotter summers compared to the other 2two cityies.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making comparisons between the three cities. Key strengths include the identification of temperature trends and the overall structure of the response. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors, enhancing grammatical accuracy, and improving the use of cohesive devices to enhance flow. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving sentence clarity, and ensuring proper paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures and expanding vocabulary to enhance lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some logical sequencing of ideas, but the flow is hindered by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect word forms. The sentence structures are mostly simple, lacking variety. To improve, the writer should focus on using a greater range of grammatical structures and ensuring accuracy in their writing.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'temperture', 'hotest', 'stabler', 'varition'). While there are attempts to use comparative language, the overall lexical range is not sufficient for a higher score. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
4.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making comparisons between the three cities. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and contains inaccuracies, such as spelling errors and unclear phrasing. To improve, the writer should focus on providing a more structured overview and ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated.
5.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."