The graph below shows electricity production (in terawatt hours) in France between 1980 and 2012.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The given graph is illustrates the electric production in terawatt hours in France country from the year 1980 to 2012. There isare lines for 4four different sources: coal, gas, nuclear, and oil. According to the graph, in the beginning year of 1980, the most electricity was producted from oil and coal, followed by gas and, while nuclear is least. But over thewas the least. However, over time, nuclear becoame the biggest source of electricity in France, it growing very fastrapidly. The nuclear production line has ups sharplysharply increased from 1980 to 2000, then stayingremained stable at around 400 terawatt hours per year until 2012. InAt the same time, the electricity production from coal has droppinged significalntly. The line of coal icoal line was high atin 1980, near same level withat a level nearly the same as oil. Then it decreased over time, and inby 2012, it represented only a tiny amount compare withd to nuclear. Electric production byfrom gas and oil was also go downdeclined, but not as much likeas coal. In 2012 the, electricity from oil iwas higher than that from coal and gas, but much lower than nuclear. In summary, the graph shows clearly shows that nuclear power has increasinged dramatically to become the main source of electricity in fFrance country from 1980 to 2012. At the same time, other energy sources like coal, gas, and oil hasve declined, specially coal haswith coal experiencing the sharpest drop.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the trends in electricity production in France from 1980 to 2012. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear overview of the main trends. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity in statements, and enhancing coherence with better linking phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures more and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents a logical sequence of ideas, but the use of cohesive devices is limited and at times awkward. Phrases like 'in same time' and 'then it decreas over time' disrupt the flow. To enhance coherence, the writer should use a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as 'meanwhile' or 'in contrast,' to better connect ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('is illustrate,' 'has ups sharply'), and issues with subject-verb agreement ('the most electric is producted'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the errors detract from overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and ensure that sentences are correctly formed.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, with terms like 'electric' and 'electricity' appearing frequently. There are also several spelling errors, such as 'bigest' and 'significally.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a broader range of vocabulary and check for spelling accuracy. Incorporating synonyms and more precise terms would enhance the lexical resource.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the trends in electricity production in France from 1980 to 2012. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and contains inaccuracies, such as 'the most electric is producted from oil and coal,' which could be more clearly stated. To improve, the writer should ensure that all statements are accurate and clearly articulated, and they should provide a more balanced overview of all sources.
6.0

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