The graph below shows the average monthly change in the price of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph shows the monthly average price change averages for copper, aluminium, and gold metals for the year 2014. Overall, the price changes fluctuated up and down from month to month, with copper havexperiencing the most volatile changes while gold price stays remained the steadiest. In January, the copper price decreased sharply by around 6%, but then increased by about 2% in February. After February, it continued to falling dramatically to, reaching the lowest decrease of nearly 8% in March. In April and May, the copper price gowent up by roughly 2% each month. It faell again in June and July by around 2% before going uprising in August and September to about 2%. The price of copper ended the year decreasing in Opctober to December, falling around 4% in the final month. The price of aluminium was slightly less volatile compared to copper. It started the year with around a 1% decrease but then stayremained relativitely stable from February to July, only increasing and decreasing by less than 1% each month. However, the price fell sharply by about 4% in August before rising back up by approximately the same amount in September. Like copper, the aluminium price also declined in the last 3three months of the year, ending down almost 3% in December. Gold haved the most stable price changes throughout the year. It decreased by around 5% at the start of the year but then stayed within a range of plus or minus 2% changes for the other months. GThe gold price had small increases from May to August but ended the year falling about 1% in December, less of awhich was a smaller drop than the other 2two metals. In summary, all three metal prices had up and down changeexperienced fluctuations each month in 2014. Copper prices changed the most drastically, while gold remained the most stable. By the end of the year, all three metals prices were decreasing.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarises the main features of the graph and makes relevant comparisons between the three metals, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the flow of information with better transitions, and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhancing the use of synonyms for 'price' and 'decrease'. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, and the use of linking words could enhance the flow of information. More varied cohesive devices would help in achieving a higher score.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('show' instead of 'shows', 'go' instead of 'went'), and incorrect verb forms ('continue' should be 'continued'). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'price' and 'decrease'). The writer could benefit from using synonyms or more varied expressions to enhance lexical resource. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons between the three metals. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, and there are minor inaccuracies in the description of trends. To improve, the writer could provide clearer comparisons and ensure that all data points are accurately represented.
6.5

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