The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear presentation of trends. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving cohesion with appropriate linking phrases, and ensuring accurate terminology. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include enhancing the variety of vocabulary and using more sophisticated cohesive devices. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining formality and clarity throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical structure that follows the trends in the graph. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For example, phrases like 'in term of' should be 'in terms of', and transitions between ideas could be smoother. To enhance coherence, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms, such as 'illustrate' instead of 'illustrates' and 'consume' instead of 'consumption'. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensure subject-verb agreement.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'consume' instead of 'consumption'. The use of 'witness' is somewhat formal but could be replaced with simpler terms like 'show' or 'demonstrate'. To improve, aim for a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetitive terms.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data presentation, such as 'the consume of chicken start' instead of 'the consumption of chicken started'. To improve, ensure that all data points are accurately represented and that the language used is precise.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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