The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The given graph illustrates how peoples travell to their works in a European city using different transport types in the years 1960, 1980, and 2000 years. It can be seen that the most popular way for going to work wasof commuting changed during this time period. In the 1960, the main transport type was the bus, whicith almost 40% of people using it forto travel to work. Walking was the second most common waymethod at about 27%. Car usingage was quite low, at only 15% as, which was the same as for bicycles. In 20 Twenty years later, in the 1980, the car became the main mode of transport, with around 27%, growing by 12% comparinged to 1960 year. Traveling by bus decreased to 30%, but stillit remained more popular than others types. PThe percentage ofs for walking and bicycleing also fell slightly. And in during this period. By the year 2000 ye, car, using carage continue rising tod to rise, reaching 35%, becamethus becoming the most common mode. Bus using down of transport. Bus usage dropped to only 22% and became, making it the second most common. Walking and bicycle keeping continued to decline, falling to 15% and 8%., respectively. In conclusion, car traveling by car growing fast grew rapidly and becoame the most popular transport type inover the 40 years, while bus losing its common despite still keepingusage declined, although it maintained the second position. Walking and ridcycling bicycle getecame less common in this city from 1960 to 2000 in that city.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons over the specified years. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure and a clear progression of ideas. The introduction effectively paraphrases the question, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the findings. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, the vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the flow between paragraphs, and enhancing clarity in the descriptions of transport usage. Transition phrases were added to improve coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more detailed analysis of the trends and providing specific percentages when discussing changes in transport usage. Additionally, using a wider range of sentence structures could enhance the overall quality. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the transition between years could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'in contrast' or 'similarly,' would enhance the connections between ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'illustrate' instead of 'illustrates,' and issues with article usage ('a Europe city' should be 'a European city'). The sentence structures are somewhat limited, and there are instances of incorrect verb forms. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'the most popular way for going to work was changed.' More varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could improve the score. For example, instead of 'using car,' 'car usage' would be more appropriate.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making comparisons over the specified years. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and could benefit from more detailed analysis and clearer comparisons. For example, the statement about the bus losing popularity could be elaborated with specific percentages for better clarity.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."