The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph is showing the amountllustrates the number of visitors from other countries to three regions of one country in Europe from 1987the year 1987 to 2007 year. From overall look, we can clearly see. Overall, it is evident that all three areas haveexperienced an increase in visitors over the 20-years period. In 1987, the Seaside hadattracted the most overseas visitors, with around 2.5 million, followed by the City area with just over 1 million visitors. The Mountains area had the least visitors, lesswith fewer than 0.5 million that year. Over the next 10 years to, until 1997, the Seaside still wasremained the most popular but haved a slower increase to about 3.3 million, while the City hadarea saw faster growth to, reaching around 2.2 million visitors in 1997. The Mountains area also grew during this period but still havd the lowest number of visitors among the three regions. From 1997 to 2007, the City area saw very bigexperienced a significant increase and overtook the Seaside to become the most visited, reaching over 5 million overseas visitors in 2007. The Seaside also kept growing bucontinued to grow, albeit more gradually, to about 4.4 million in 2007. The Mountains area had a steady increase in thisover these 10 years to, reaching around 1.8 million visitors from overseas, but it remained the least popular of the three places over fullthroughout the entire 20-years period. In conclusion, the graph showsdemonstrates a clear trend of growth in amountthe number of visitors from abroad to all three regions, with the City area becoming the top destination by 2007 from being, having been second in 1987 beginning.. The Seaside grew more slowerly but stillremained very popular, while the Mountains area stayed at the bottom but also had quite bigexperienced a significant increase inover the 20 years.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the trends in overseas visitors to the three regions over the specified period, which is a key strength. The overall structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, including the need for more precise data points and clearer comparisons between the areas. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow of ideas, and the vocabulary could be varied to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the use of transition phrases. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more varied vocabulary and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow. For example, using phrases like 'in contrast' or 'similarly' could improve the connections between different sections. Additionally, the introduction could be more concise to enhance clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'have increase' instead of 'has increased' and 'grew more slower' instead of 'grew more slowly.' These errors affect the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of comparative forms.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'visitors' and 'increase.' The phrase 'amount of visitors' should be replaced with 'number of visitors' for accuracy. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the language.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the trends in overseas visitors to the three areas over the specified period. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in presenting the data, such as specific figures and comparisons. To improve, the writer could include more precise data points and clearer comparisons between the areas, ensuring that all relevant information is highlighted.
6.5

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