The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph is showingllustrates information about closed shops and new shops from 2011 until 2018 in a country. This means the data for 7 years is displayed, displaying data over a period of seven years. The data is representings the number of thisese shops during that period. Intime. At the beginning of the period, the number of closed shops is around 7,000, while new shops is only 2750total approximately 2,750 in 2011. This means the totalindicates that the total number of shops is decreasing because more shops isare closing than opening during this year. The number of closed shops is decreasinges to around 6,000 and 5,000 in 2012 and 2013. W, respectively, while new shops is increasinge to around 3,200 and 4,000 in the same period respectively. WThich meanss suggests that the difference between openings and closingures is becoming smaller. After thatSubsequently, closed shops continue to decreasline to around 2,500 in 2015, and new shops continue increasing to aroundrise to approximately 4,800 in the same year, resultmarking inthe first year where new shops is higher thanoutnumber closed shops. TheHowever, closed shops sharply increases sharply to 5,000 and 5,500 andin 2016 and 2017, while new shops decreases to 4,000 and 3,000 in 2016 and 2017, respectively. This means againindicates that the difference between openings and closing is becoming biggerures is widening again, but in the opposite direction. In the final year, 2018, the closed shops decreases sharply again to 3,000, while new shops decreases a bitline slightly to 2,750. This means theresults in a very small difference between them is very small and total shops i, suggesting that the total number of shops remains almost unot changinged in this year because of that. In conclusion, the number of shops is changing a lotfluctuates significantly during the period, but inby the end is almost, it is nearly the same as in the first year. TheOverall, closed shops isare decreasing in general, and new shops isare increasing overall, creating an effect sense of stabilization.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear attempt to summarize the data and identify trends over the specified period. The writer effectively presents key figures and changes in the number of closed and new shops. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The essay lacked clarity in some comparisons and could benefit from a more structured overview. The use of cohesive devices was limited, leading to awkward transitions. Additionally, there were instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detracted from the overall quality. In the corrected version, I made structural changes to enhance clarity and coherence, such as varying the use of cohesive devices and correcting grammatical errors. I also improved the overall flow by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. For further improvements, the writer could focus on using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures would further strengthen the writing. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, leading to occasional awkwardness in transitions. For example, phrases like 'this means' are repeated, which could be varied for better cohesion. To improve, the writer should use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('the number of closed shops is decreasing' should be 'the number of closed shops decreases') and awkward sentence structures. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'closed shops' and 'new shops') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'the number of this shops.' To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more varied expressions to convey the same ideas.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response provides a summary of the graph, mentioning key trends and figures. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and does not fully address the task of making comparisons effectively. For improvement, the writer should focus on clearer comparisons and a more structured overview of the data, such as explicitly stating the overall trends in a more concise manner.
6.0

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