The graph below shows the number of visitors each month to the zoo's most popular exhibits. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph showing visitors numberillustrates the number of visitors per month for the most popular zoo exhibits. The three exhibits shown is, specifically gorillas, lions, and the reptile house. In January, the reptile house is the most popular with, attracting over 500 visitors. Next isFollowing this, both lions and gorillas bothhave around 400 visitors. NHowever, the number of visitors decreases for all three exhibits in February. Lions and gorillas visitors decrease more, to approximately 200. ButThe decline is more pronounced for lions and gorillas, which drop to approximately 200 visitors each. In contrast, the reptile house still haves about 400 visitors, so becomemaking it even more popular than the other two. exhibits. From February to June, all exhibits see visitor numbers grow steadily. Reptile house see biggest increaseexperience a steady increase in visitor numbers. The reptile house sees the most significant growth, with its visitor numbers almost reaching 900 by June. Lions grow to about 500 visitors, andwhile gorillas remain around 400 visitors. Though inInterestingly, by June, lions become slightly more popular than the reptile house. Overall, the reptile house is consistently the most visited exhibit for the majority of the 6 six-month period. LWhile lions and gorillas have similar visitor counts, but lions visitor' numbers overtakesurpass those of gorillas by June. The most clearest trend isobserved is that all three exhibits gain more visitors each month from February to June.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the graph and makes relevant comparisons, demonstrating a good understanding of the task. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear overview of trends. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing clarity in data presentation, improving coherence with better linking phrases, and addressing grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical inaccuracies. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the overall lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are abrupt and could benefit from better linking phrases. For example, using phrases like 'In contrast' or 'Additionally' could enhance the cohesion between sentences. Improving the overall flow would help the reader follow the trends more easily.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('is' should be 'are' in 'The three exhibits shown is gorillas, lions and reptile house') and awkward constructions. To improve, the writer should focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and using more complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'visitors' and 'exhibits.' The writer could enhance their lexical resource by incorporating synonyms or more varied expressions. For example, using 'attendance' instead of 'visitors' could add variety. Additionally, some phrases are awkward, such as 'is most popular,' which could be rephrased for clarity.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, and there are minor inaccuracies in the description of trends. For improvement, the writer could provide clearer comparisons and ensure that all data points are accurately represented.
6.5

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