The graph below shows the percentage of people by age group visiting the cinema at least once per month in one particular country between 1978 and 2008.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The line graph illustrates how manythe percentage of people in 3three different ages goes to the cinema one time or more in a month over a period of 30 years. The time period starting in 1978 and endingroups who visit the cinema at least once a month over a period of 30 years, from 1978 to 2008, in an unnamed country. Overall, the percentage of people going to thes movies once per month tended to decline for everyone as the years passed. The highest cinema visit rate is from persamong individuals in the age group 14-24 for all years, while the lowest percentage is seen in elderly people over 35 years for the entire duration. Looking at specific details, around 90% of teenagers and early 20s adults were went to moviesyoung adults in their early 20s attended the cinema at least 1 timonce each month in the 1978. However, this ratio continuously decreasing anded, dropping to just under 50% atby the end of the period. The proportion of cinema-goers in the age bracket 25-35 years old showed a similar downward trend, starteding at about 55% and then plummeteding below 20% in the 2008. Peoples over 35 showsexhibited a less dramatic downwards pattern, decreasing from approximately 20% inat the beginning to slightly over 10% in finishthe final year. In conclusion, the elderly people was visited the movie theatre the least, while teenagers and younger adults had the highest rates, but. However, the datas shows a declining popularity of cinema across all ages groups over the three decades from 1978 until 2008.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main trends in the graph. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb tense usage, as well as enhancing lexical variety to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting awkward phrases and ensuring proper transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific data points to support claims and using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance coherence. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions between ideas are not smooth. For instance, the phrase 'Looking specific detail' should be 'Looking at specific details.' To improve coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as 'were went to movies' and 'the elderly people was visited movie theatre least.' These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb tenses. A wider range of sentence structures would also enhance the grammatical range.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'the percent of people goes movies.' The writer could enhance their lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and avoiding repetitive phrases. For example, instead of 'goes to the cinema,' alternatives like 'attend the cinema' or 'visit the cinema' could be used.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main trends in the graph, but it lacks clarity in some areas. For example, the phrase 'the percent of people goes movies once per month' is awkwardly constructed. To improve, the writer should ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and clearly convey the intended meaning. Additionally, providing specific data points from the graph would enhance the response.
6.0

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