The graph below shows the production levels of the main kinds of fuel in the UK between 1981 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the chart and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and appropriate vocabulary for the task. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors, grammatical inaccuracies, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices. Structural changes were made to correct grammatical errors, improve clarity, and ensure proper paragraphing. Suggestions for further improvements include incorporating more specific data points and varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, phrases like 'on the other hand' and 'in other hand' are used, but the latter is incorrect. More varied linking words and phrases would enhance the flow of the writing. Additionally, the structure could be clearer with distinct paragraphs for different fuel types.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('coal production were'), incorrect verb forms ('producted', 'rised'), and awkward constructions. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors affect the clarity and professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are some spelling errors (e.g., 'producted', 'diiferent', 'dramaticaly', 'declination', 'stedy') that detract from the overall quality. The writer demonstrates some range in vocabulary, but repetition of phrases like 'produced fuel' could be avoided by using synonyms or rephrasing. To improve, the writer should focus on accuracy and variety in word choice.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity and detail in certain areas, such as specific figures and trends. To improve, the writer could include more precise data points and clearer comparisons, for example, specifying the exact production levels of natural gas in relation to coal.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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