The graph below shows the proportion of four different materials that were recycled from 1982 to 2010 in a particular country.
Sample Essay with Corrections
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The essay effectively summarizes the key trends in recycling for the four materials over the specified period, which is a key strength. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in presenting the data, particularly in terms of specific figures and comparisons. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, but the use of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance the flow of ideas. The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing that could be varied for better lexical resource. Additionally, grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and awkward constructions, detract from the overall quality. The corrected version addresses these issues by improving grammatical accuracy, enhancing vocabulary variety, and providing clearer comparisons. For further improvement, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary related to recycling and environmental topics, as well as ensure a more varied use of cohesive devices. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for improved flow. For example, using phrases like 'In contrast' or 'Additionally' could enhance the connections between ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('the paper have' should be 'the paper has') and awkward constructions ('is showing data about recycle'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy, ensuring subject-verb agreement and proper tense usage.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'recycling' and 'recycled'). The use of phrases like 'most recycled' and 'fast increasing' could be varied with synonyms or more sophisticated expressions. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to recycling and environmental topics.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the key trends in recycling for the four materials over the specified period. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in presenting the data, such as specific figures and comparisons. To improve, the writer could include more precise data points and clearer comparisons between the materials.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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