The graph below shows unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph shows the unemployment and emigration levels of Ireland from 1988 to 2008. It can be seen that unemployment was high inat the beginning of the period, but emigration was low. Then, unemployment started to decrease andwhile emigration increased. After that, both lines showed downwards trends until the end of the period. In 1988, the unemployment rate was very high, around 16%. At the same time, the emigration level was quite low, only about 40,000 people. Over the next few years, unemployment decreased sharply and reached its lowest point of around 4% in 2000. On the other hand, emigration increased a lotsignificantly during this time and peaked at over 60,000 people in 1989. From 2000 onwards, both unemployment and emigration showed downwards trends. Unemployment stayremained low at around 4-5% until 2008. Emigration also decreased a lotconsiderably and reached its lowest point of around 15,000 people in 2002. It remained at a similar low level until the end of the period in 2008. In conclusion, the graph showillustrates that unemployment and emigration had opposite trends in Ireland from 1988 to 2008. When unemployment was high, emigration was low, and when unemployment decreased, emigration increased a lotsignificantly. After 2000, both factors remained at low levels until the end of the period.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the trends in unemployment and emigration in Ireland over the specified period. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear overview of the data presented. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the clarity and detail of the analysis, particularly in the relationship between the two variables. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary accuracy, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific data points and a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. There are some abrupt transitions between points, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, phrases like 'on the other hand' could be used more effectively to contrast the trends. To enhance coherence, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and use a wider range of linking words.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('unemployment start' should be 'unemployment started') and missing articles ('at same time' should be 'at the same time'). While the overall meaning is clear, the presence of these errors affects the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy throughout the text.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'grap' instead of 'graph' and 'show' instead of 'shows'. The use of phrases like 'downwards trends' is somewhat awkward. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the trends in unemployment and emigration in Ireland from 1988 to 2008. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in presenting the data, such as specific figures and a more thorough analysis of the relationship between the two variables. To improve, the writer could include more specific data points and a clearer explanation of the trends observed.
6.0

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