The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.

Part 1 (General)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph is showing the data abouts illustrate data regarding cinema goers in Australia from 1996 to 2000 year. The first graph presents the total attaendance in millions, andwhile the second graph givprovides information about average visits per person inacross different age groups. From the first graph, it can be seen that the total cinema attendance has been steadily increasing over the given time period. In 1996, there were about 70 million visits to the cinema, which rose to around 90 million by 2000. This represents a significant increase in the popularity of going to the cinema among Australians. When we look at Turning to the second graph, we can see that the age group of 14-24 years old had the highest average visits per year, which was overexceeding 10 visits in 1996 and remaineding relatively stable until 2000. OIn the other handcontrast, the age group of 50 and over had the lowest average visits, which wasremained below 2 visits per year throughout the period. The age groups of 25-34 and 35-49 had similar average visits, ranging from 4 to 6 visits per year., with the 25-34 age group averaging around 5 visits. In conclusion, the graphs showindicate that cinema attendance in Australia has been increasing from 1996 to 2000, whileith the younger age group of 14-24 years old hadhaving the highest average visits per year compared to other age groups. TConversely, the age group of 50 and over consistently had the lowest average visits throughout the period.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graphs and making comparisons between different age groups. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data points, particularly for the age groups of 25-34 and 35-49, and the correction of spelling errors. The introduction was made more concise, and cohesive devices were added to enhance clarity in comparisons. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include expanding the range of vocabulary related to cinema attendance and age demographics, as well as varying sentence structures for greater grammatical accuracy. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, using phrases like 'in contrast' or 'similarly' when comparing age groups would enhance the clarity of comparisons. Additionally, the introduction could be more concise.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'the graph is showing' (should be 'shows') and awkward phrasing ('the age group of 50 and over had the lowest average visits, which was below 2 visits per year'). To improve, the writer should focus on using more varied sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are some spelling errors ('attandance', 'milions', 'diferent') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer could use a wider range of vocabulary related to cinema attendance and age demographics, such as 'demographic trends' or 'viewing habits'.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graphs and making comparisons between different age groups. However, it could be improved by providing more specific data points and clearer comparisons. For example, mentioning the exact figures for the age groups of 25-34 and 35-49 could enhance the analysis.
7.5

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