The graphs show a comparison of the population age structure between France and India in 1984.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The drawing is showing to us the difference of agesllustrates the age distribution of people living in Freanche and India in the year 1984. Both countryies have a pyramid shape, but the shape iss are not exactly the same. On At the top point, we can seeof the pyramid, it is evident that Freanch have more older people thane has a higher proportion of older individuals compared to India. The French population haves more peoples in aged 70 to 80 and also more in the 80 to 90 years old. In Indiaage group. In contrast, there isare very few peopleindividuals in thisese age brackets in India. In Freanche, the number of 70-80 years oldpeople aged 70-80 is almost the same as 60-70 butthose aged 60-70, whereas in India, it is very less. If we are looking atsignificantly lower. When examining the middle areasection, which is theencompasses individuals aged 20 to 50 years old, Freanche and India haveexhibit almost the same proportion of population in this age range. The shape of the pyramid in this place is almost same for both countries. We can say that in both countries, the population of 20-50 age people is almost same in proportion. Buarea is quite similar for both countries. Thus, we can conclude that the population of individuals aged 20-50 is nearly equivalent in proportion in both nations. However, a significant dif we look at the bottom of pyramid, the children ages, there is big difference between French and India population. India have much much moreference is observed at the base of the pyramid, which represents children. India has a considerably larger number of children than Freanche. The population of 0-10 years -old populations in India is vermarkedly higher compared to that in Freanche. Alsodditionally, in Freanche, the children population is less than that of the middle-aged population but, while in India, it is more.greater. In conclusion, the population pyramids is showingndicate that India haves a much younger population than Freanche. Freanch have more older people but India have very highe has a higher number of older individuals, whereas India has a significantly larger number of children compared to Freanche. The middle-aged population is similar in both countryies in 1984.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by comparing the population age structures of France and India in 1984. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data points to support observations, which would enhance the depth of analysis. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to clarify comparisons and enhance the flow of ideas. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing that could be refined. Grammatical accuracy is another area needing attention, as there are several errors that detract from the overall clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific data or percentages to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures to improve grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For instance, phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast' could help clarify comparisons. Additionally, some sentences are repetitive and could be restructured for better clarity.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('Both country have' should be 'Both countries have') and awkward constructions ('the drawing is showing to us'). While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'French' and 'India') and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'the drawing is showing to us'). The use of more varied and sophisticated vocabulary would enhance the overall quality. For example, instead of 'big difference,' the writer could use 'significant disparity.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by comparing the population age structure of France and India in 1984. However, it lacks depth in analysis and does not fully develop the points made. For improvement, the writer could include specific data points or percentages to support their observations, which would enhance the clarity and relevance of the response.
6.0

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