The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight different occupational groups. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the key information shown in the graphs. Write at least 150 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am writing about two graphs which show information about working hours and stress in different jobs. The data come from research about eight professional groups. Looking at the first graph, doctors work the most hours per week, with around 50 hours. They are followed by lawyers and teachers, who work between 40- and 45 hours weekly. Other professions, like police officers and nurses, spend less time at work, approximately 35- to 38 hours every week. The jobs with the least working hours are librarians and shop workers, theywho only work 30 hours. When we look at the stress levels graph, it shows an interesting pattern. Even though doctors work the longest hours, police officers report the highest stress at 85%. Doctors come second with a stress level of 80%, thenwhile nurses and teachers have similar stress levels around 70%. SIn contrast, shop workers show the lowest stress levels at 45%, despite having customer contact all day. From these graphs, we can see that working longer hours does not always mean more stress. For example, police officers have the most stress but do not work the longest hours. Alsodditionally, some jobs, like librarians, have both low hours and low stress levels. To conclude, different jobs haveexhibit very different patterns of working time and stress. Some professions face high levels in both areas, while others stayremain low in both measurements.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the key information from the graphs regarding working hours and stress levels among different professions, demonstrating a good understanding of the task. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant vocabulary related to the topic. The logical flow of ideas is generally maintained, making it easy for the reader to follow the comparisons made between different professions. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the use of cohesive devices to improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs, as well as varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Additionally, minor grammatical errors were corrected to enhance clarity and accuracy. Structural changes made include the addition of 'the' in 'Looking at the first graph' and the use of 'in contrast' to better link the comparison between shop workers and other professions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific data points and clearer comparisons between the groups, as well as using synonyms or varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity further. The tone used is appropriate for an academic report, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'in contrast' or 'similarly' would help to better link the comparisons made between different professions.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors that affect clarity, such as 'Looking at first graph' which should be 'Looking at the first graph.' Additionally, the sentence structure could be varied more to enhance sophistication. Minor grammatical errors are present, but they do not significantly impede understanding.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with terms like 'stress levels' and 'working hours' being relevant. However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'working hours' and 'stress levels.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions, such as 'workload' or 'pressure levels,' to enhance lexical diversity.
7.0
Task Achievement
The report addresses the task by summarizing the key information from the graphs regarding working hours and stress levels among different professions. However, it could improve by providing more specific data points and clearer comparisons between the groups. For instance, mentioning the exact hours worked by each group in a more structured manner would enhance clarity.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."