The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, the popularity of online shoopping has increased tremaendously. This has led some people to believe that one day all traditional shops in towns and cities will close down. In my opinion, I disagree with this statement, and I believe that traditional shops will remain open for the foreseeable future, despite the popularity of online shoopping. One of the main reasons why I believe traditional shops will remain open is becausethat many people still prefer to buy things in person. For example, when buying clothes, many peopleindividuals prefer to try on clothes in person before they buy themitems before making a purchase. This is not possible when shoopping online. Additionally, many people enjoy the experience of going to a physical store and browsing the products in person. This is an experience that cannot be replicated online. Another reason why traditional shops will remain open is becausethat not everyone has access to the internet or is comfortable shoopping online. For examplinstance, many elderly people may not be familiar with how to shop online and may prefer to buy things in person. AdditionallyFurthermore, in some areas, internet access may be limited or unreliable, making online shoopping difficult or impossible. In these cases, traditional shops will remain necessary. In conclusion, while the popularity of online shoopping has increased in recent years, I believe that traditional shops will continue to play an important role in society. Many people still value the in-person shoopping experience, and not everyone has access to the internet or is comfortable shoopping online. As a result, I believe that traditional shops will remain open for the foreseeable future.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position against the idea that all traditional shops will close due to online shopping. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant reasons and examples supporting the viewpoint. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors, enhancing the variety of vocabulary, and improving the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting spelling mistakes, refining grammatical errors, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied examples and exploring counterarguments to strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, and the repetition of phrases like 'traditional shops' could be varied to enhance cohesion.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions (e.g., 'This is a experience' should be 'This is an experience'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy and fluency of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'shooping' instead of 'shopping', 'tremandously' instead of 'tremendously', 'posible' instead of 'possible', 'imposible' instead of 'impossible'). These errors detract from the overall impression. A wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices would improve the score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position against the idea that all traditional shops will close due to online shopping. It presents relevant reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more varied examples and a deeper exploration of counterarguments.
7.0

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