The image displays data about energy use in Australian homes in 2008. Write a 150-word report describing the information presented in the image.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The image is showingllustrates energy usage in homes of Australia inAustralian homes in the year 2008. There are nine categories which composedthat comprise the total energy consumption: water heating, refrigeration, appliances, lighting, cooking, space heating, coolering, standby, and others. Most big The largest category is water heating, it takeswhich accounts for 27% of all energy used. SThe second largest is refrigeration, with 18%. Appliances and lighting boteach take up 13% each one, together they are 26%. Cooking is taking 5% and space heating takes 10%. Cooler imaking a significant 26%. Cooking consumes 5%, while space heating accounts for 10%. Cooling represents only 1% of the total, which is very small compared to the other categories. Standby ipower constitutes 4%, and the others combine ford make up 6%. In conclusion, mostsummary, the majority of energy in Australian homes is used for water heating and refrigeration. A, with appliances and lighting also takeconsuming a significant amount. Space heating uses more energy than cooking. Least energy go, while the least energy is allocated to coolering and standby power. Overall, water heating and refrigeration are the most critical categories in terms of energy consumption.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the energy usage categories and their respective percentages. Key strengths include a clear identification of the largest categories and a logical structure. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for a more cohesive overview and conclusion, as well as the correction of grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Structural changes made include the addition of clearer transitions and a more formal tone in the overview. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhancing sentence complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining formality throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents information in a logical order, but the flow could be improved with better transitions between categories. For instance, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the connection between ideas. The conclusion could also be more cohesive by summarizing the key points more effectively.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as 'most biggest' and 'very small compare to others,' which should be 'very small compared to others.' There are also issues with article usage and sentence structure. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures for greater complexity.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'energy' and 'takes.' The use of 'most biggest' is incorrect; 'largest' would be more appropriate. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance sophistication.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the energy usage categories and their respective percentages. However, it lacks a clear overview and does not fully develop the conclusion. To improve, the writer could provide a more structured summary of the data, perhaps by highlighting the total energy consumption and the significance of each category more clearly.
6.5

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