The impact of social media on mental health. Problems and solutions?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Social media, mental health of many people is impacted because of this in recent years. WeIn recent years, social media has significantly impacted the mental health of many people. This essay will discuss what are the issues and how wrising from social media use can sovle them in the below paragraphs. d propose potential solutions to address them. The first main problem is that people spend too muchexcessive amounts of time on social media, and it is not good forwhich is detrimental to theire mental health. This is beacause they are not doing other activities that are important, like exercising, sleeping, or talking to friends and family in real life. In addition, social media can make people feel bad about themselves, becauseoften neglect other important activities, such as exercising, sleeping, or engaging in face-to-face conversations with friends and family. Furthermore, social media can lead individuals to feel inadequate as they compare theire lifves to the seemingly perfects lives of others on social media. This can lead toshowcased online. This constant comparison can result in depression and anxiety infor some people who use social media too much. To solvusers who are overly reliant on social media. To tackle thisese problems, there are several solutions that can be implemented. One effective solution is for peopleindividuals to limit the amount of time they spend on social media each day. They can set a timer or use an app to help them do this. Another solution is fordesigned to help manage their usage. Additionally, social media companies toshould consider createing features that encouragpromote healthy usage of theire platforms, such as reminders to take breaks or tools to help peoplehat assist users in tracking theire time spent on the app. Finally, it is important for peoplecrucial for individuals to educate themselves about the potential negative impacts of social media on mental health, so they canenabling them to make informed decisions about how to use ittheir usage in a way that is healthy for them. supports their well-being. In conlclusion, while social media can have both positive and negative impaeffects on mental health, but by being aware of the potential problemissues and taking proactive steps to address them, we can help ensure that social media is used in a waymanner that promotes well-being for everyone who uses itall users.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of social media's impact on mental health, identifying key problems and proposing solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure and clear identification of issues. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the clarity of the introduction with a stronger thesis statement and improving the flow between ideas with better transitions. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, adding transitional phrases, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and ensuring all spelling and grammatical errors are corrected. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow between ideas could be improved. Some transitions are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking phrases such as 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' to connect ideas more smoothly.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'is impacted' should be 'has been impacted'). There are also awkward constructions that affect clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and proofreading for errors.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetitive word choices, such as 'social media' and 'mental health.' Additionally, there are spelling errors (e.g., 'sovle' instead of 'solve,' 'there' instead of 'their,' 'perfects' instead of 'perfect') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of social media's impact on mental health, identifying key problems and proposing solutions. However, the introduction lacks clarity and a strong thesis statement. To improve, the writer should clearly outline the main points to be discussed in the introduction and ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key arguments.
6.0

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