"The Importance of Environmental Conservation in Modern Society"

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Environmental conservation has become an important topics in modern society. As the population of the world grows, there areis increasing pressure on natural resources and the environment. This essay will discuss why environmental conservation is so important and what can be done to promotes it. First of alland foremost, environmental conservation is crucial for maintaining the health of the planet and all living things. Without efforts to conserve the environment, many species of plants and animals may become extinct. Deforestation, pollution, and climate change are all major threats to biodiversity. If we do not take steps to protect the environment, we risk losing valuable ecosystems and the benefits they provide. Secondly Moreover, conserving the environment is important for human health and well-being. Pollution of air, water, and soil can leads to serious health problems for people. For example, air pollutions can cause respiratory illnesses, while contaminated water can lead to diseases such as cholera and typhoid. By protecting the environment, we can help to prevent these health issues and ensure that people have access to clean air, water, and healthy food. In addition, environmental conservation is importantvital for economic reasons. Many industries, such as tourism and agriculture, depends on a healthy environment. If natural resources are depleted or ecosystems are damaged, it can have negative impacts on these industries and the people who rely on them for their livelihoods. By investing in environmental conservation, we can help to support sustainable economic development. Overall In summary, it is clear that environmental conservation is a critical issue in modern society. We must take steps to protect natural resources, preserve biodiversity, and ensure that the planet remains healthy for future generations. This can involves a range of actions, from reducing waste and pollution to supporting conservation efforts and sustainable development practices. By working together to prioritizse environmental conservation, we can create a more sustainable and resilient world for all.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of environmental conservation and discusses its importance. Key strengths include a clear structure and relevant examples that support the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for a clearer thesis statement and more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, enhancing transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include expanding on specific actions to promote conservation and varying the vocabulary used throughout the essay. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall clarity. Phrases like 'first of all' and 'secondly' are used, but more varied linking words would improve cohesion.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity. For example, 'there are increasing pressure' should be 'there is increasing pressure,' and 'can leads' should be 'can lead.' These errors, while not overly distracting, do impact the overall accuracy of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some good expressions such as 'biodiversity' and 'sustainable economic development.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'environment' and 'conservation,' which could be varied. Additionally, some word forms are incorrect, such as 'pollutions' instead of 'pollution.'
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of environmental conservation and discusses its importance effectively. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement and some points could be more developed. For example, the mention of specific actions to promote conservation could be expanded to provide a more comprehensive view.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."