The importance of some subjects at school You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that some school subjects are more important than others. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinion, I am agree with that some school subjects isare more important than other subjects. There are a few reasons why I think like this way. First of all, main subjects like math and science isare used everywhere in life and career. For example, if we want to be engineers or docterors, we need to know math and science very well. Without a strong foundation in thisese subjects, it will be very difficult to succesed in thisese careers. SoTherefore, schools need to focus more on teaching thisese important subjects to prepare students for the future. Secondly, subjects like history and art isare less important for most people's daily lifeves and work. While it is good to have some knowledges about the past and culture, it is not essential for many jobs. Most people will not use history or art skills regullarly in theyir careers. SoThus, schools should spend less time on thisese subjects compared to math and science. However, I also beleieve that students should have a balanced education with a variety of subjects. Even if some subjects isare more important, students still need to learn other things to become well-rounded. Subjects like languages, sports, and music can help develope important life skills such as communication, teamwork, and creativity. Thisese skills are also valuable for success in work and life. In conclusion, while I agree that some school subjects like math and science are more important than others, I also think students need a diverse education. Schools should prioritise teaching important subjects but also provide opportunityies for students to learn other valuable skills and knowledge. By doing this, schools can help students become successful in theyir future careers and lifeves.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion and addresses the prompt effectively, demonstrating a logical progression of ideas. Key strengths include a well-defined argument and relevant examples. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the development of ideas, particularly in the conclusion. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and improving spelling and vocabulary usage. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to better link ideas. To improve, the writer could use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of the essay.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'some school subjects is more important'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but somewhat repetitive, with terms like 'subjects' and 'important' appearing frequently. There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'docter', 'fundation', 'diffcult', 'regullary', 'beleive', 'comunication', 'oportunity') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that some subjects are more important than others, supported by relevant reasons and examples. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, particularly in the conclusion, which could better summarize the main points. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen their argument.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?