The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, internetworking is everywhere, and mostly people communicate over social medias. Some people thinks that this change is great progress, but other peoples believe it haves negatively impacts. On one hand, social media has made connecting with personothers easy and fast. In the past, people used letters to communication toe with each other, but it takeook a very long time to receive a message. But tToday, because of social media, we can sending messages in just only seconds and get quick responses. For example, my friend studyies in another country, and I every day chatting to him ichat with him every day on fFacebook, so we keeping in touch. So thatThus, social media makinges it more easyeasier to stay contanected towith people. On secondthe other hand, another group thinks social medias is bad fordetrimental to relationships. They sayargue that real communication is important like, such as talking face by -to-face, but today people just message ton their phones all the time. They don not meeting in person, and they are getting bad at makeworse at having real conversations. I also read news that say using too mucharticles that say excessive use of social networking can makelead to depression and loneliness. So maybeTherefore, social media ismay be making people more fardistant from each other. In miney opinion, social media is a good thing if we usinge it correctly, but we also need to communicatinge in real life. I think balances is important to havinge both online communication and face by -to-face communicainteraction. But wWe need to teaching people how to usinge social networking carefully and donot let it replace our reality social lifeves. In conclusion, the internet has made biga significant change onin the way we communicate, and social media has both benefits and drawbacks. We need to find a good balance to make ensure we gettake advantage of social media but nowithout losing our real communication skills.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument regarding social media's impact on communication. Key strengths include a relevant introduction and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and the development of ideas. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between paragraphs, and enhancing clarity in phrasing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples and elaborating on the points made to strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('people thinks', 'it have negatively impacts'), incorrect verb forms ('sending message'), and awkward constructions ('making it more easy'). While the writer attempts to use a range of structures, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'social media', 'communication') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'internetworking', 'bad for relationships'). The writer demonstrates an ability to use some varied vocabulary, but to achieve a higher score, they should aim for more sophisticated word choices and avoid redundancy.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on social media's impact on communication and provides a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided could be more relevant and detailed. To improve, the writer could include more specific examples and elaborate on the points made, ensuring a clearer argument.
6.0

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