The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In past years, the internet haves changed the way we sharinge and usinge information very muchsignificantly, but there are also problems that wasdid not exist before the internet. In this essay, I want write aboutill discuss the biggest problems that relate wid to the internet and will suggest solutions for these. issues. First of all, one of the most serious problems is cybercrime and the hacking of personal information. When using the internet, you must often givprovide private data like your name, address, and bank details. ButHowever, this data can be stealolen by criminals if website security is not good enough. To deal with this problem, I think websites need to invest more into cybersecurity measures, likesuch as encryption and two-factor authentication. AlsoFurthermore, governments should make laws aboutregarding data protection more strict. Ongent. Another bsignificant issue is the spreading of false information and fake news on social media. It is very easy for anyone to write anything on the internet, even things that are not true at all. This can cheatdeceive people and make them believe in wrong things. I thinkincorrect information. I believe social media companies have a responsibility to identify and delete fake news from their platforms. They can use fact-checkers and AI algorithms for this. Also purpose. In addition, schools should teach children how to recognize reliable sources and think critically about the information they find online. In conclusion, while the internet has made many things better inaspects of our lifves better, it also has somepresents serious issues like hacking and fake news spreadingthe spread of fake news. We need to work together - —people, companies, and governments - —to find solutions and make the internet a safer and more trustworthy place for everyone. Only then we can use internet for the good things iwe fully benefit from the positive aspects the internet can provide us.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, identifying significant problems associated with the internet and proposing relevant solutions. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs that each focus on a specific problem and its solution. The writer effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there are several errors that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing. Structural changes made include enhancing the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between ideas, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding the range of vocabulary and incorporating more sophisticated expressions. Additionally, the writer could benefit from further proofreading to ensure grammatical accuracy. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific problem and its solution. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using linking phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could improve the flow. To enhance coherence, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly connects back to the main thesis.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('internet have changed'), incorrect verb forms ('was not exist'), and missing articles ('the biggest problems'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'internet have changed' and 'data can be steal.' The writer uses some relevant terms like 'cybersecurity' and 'fake news,' but could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more sophisticated expressions to convey ideas.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by identifying serious problems associated with the internet, such as cybercrime and the spread of false information, and suggests relevant solutions. However, the introduction could be clearer, and the position could be more explicitly stated. For improvement, the writer could enhance the introduction by clearly outlining the problems and solutions to be discussed.
7.0

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