The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The line graph is illustratinges how the quantities and varieties of junk food eatingconsumption by teenagers in Australia changed between the years 1975 and 2000. Overall, the consumption of fast food increased a lotsignificantly during this 25-year period. In year 1975, aAustralian teens ateconsumed the least amount of fast foods, with just around 5 grams of pizza, and approximately 45 grams of hamburgers per year. The fFish and chips wasere slightly higher at about 60 grams per year in 1975. However, over the nextfollowing years until 2000, the consumingption of all types of fast food shiown in the graph increased steadily and significantly. The largest increase was for pizzas, gorising from the 5 grams ateconsumed in 1975 to nearly 120 grams per person per year by the 2000. This wasrepresented an increase of more than 20 times the original amount over the 25-years period. Consumption of fish and chips also grew a lotconsiderably, reaching around 80 grams per year in year 2000, which was about 4four times higher than the starting point. Hamburger eatingconsumption rose as well to nearly 70 grams annually, around 50% more than in 1975. In conclusion, the graph clearly demonstrates that between 1975 and 2000, aAustralian adolescents greatly increased the amounts of junk food they ateconsumed each year, especially of pizzas, but also of hamburgers and fish and chips.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the changes in fast food consumption among Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing clarity and detail in presenting data, as well as correcting grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical mistakes. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific comparisons and a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow of information. For example, the transition between the introduction and the body could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would improve the overall cohesion.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('shiwn' instead of 'shown') and awkward constructions ('the consuming of all types of fast food'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical mistakes and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'grams' and 'eating'). Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as 'junk food eating' instead of 'junk food consumption.' To enhance the score, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the changes in fast food consumption among Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in presenting the data, such as specific figures for each year and a more comprehensive overview of trends. To improve, the writer could include more precise comparisons and highlight significant trends more clearly.
6.5

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