The line graph below shows the changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The line graph shows the alterations in the total and kindillustrates the changes in the total consumption and types of fast food whichthat Australian teenagers eate from year 1975 to 2000. It can be seen that the consumption of Ppizza riose significantly over the 25-years period, whereas the amount of fish and chips decreased sharply. In 1975, about 100 grams of fish and chips was consumed by the average Australian teenagaer per year, which was the heighest among three kinde three types of foods. In contrsast, only about 5 grams of pizzas was eaten per year, beingmaking it the least popular. About option. Approximately 80 grams of hamburgers wasere consumed, which is 20 grams fewer than fish and chips. Over the following 25 years, the amount of pizzas that was ate consumed increased drasmatically to around 60 grams by the year 2000. At the same time, fish and chip consumption was reduced by more than half to roughly 40 grams. Additionally, hamburgers, which hasd moderate popularity at the start, showed a minor decreased, reaching around 70 grams/year at per year by the end of the period. In conclusion, the graphs illustrates the changes ofin fast food preferences among aAustralian teenagers. Pizza gained a lot ofsignificant popularity, fish and chips loset many fans, and hamburger still keep it's place althou small drop happes maintained their position despite a small drop in consumption.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the line graph and makes relevant comparisons, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and appropriate vocabulary usage. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors, grammatical inaccuracies, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better cohesive devices. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity in data presentation, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include a more detailed overview paragraph that synthesizes the data trends more explicitly. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow. For example, using cohesive devices like 'in contrast' or 'similarly' could improve the connections between different points. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effectively tied back to the data presented.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'the consumption of Pizza rise' should be 'rises') and awkward constructions (e.g., 'which has moderate popularity at start'). While the writer attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, the errors impact clarity. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and ensure proper sentence construction.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'teenagar', 'heigest', 'drasticaly', 'althou') that detract from the overall quality. The writer demonstrates some range in vocabulary, but to achieve a higher score, they should focus on accuracy and avoid repetition of phrases like 'amount of' and 'grams'.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, and there are inaccuracies in the figures mentioned (e.g., '100 grams of fish and chips' and '5 grams of pizzas'). To improve, the writer should ensure that all data is accurately reported and clearly presented.
6.0

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