The line graph below shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four European countries between 1960 and 1985. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The line graph provides the information about the number of vehicle thefts inper thousand of vehicles over a 25-years period, starting in 1960 and ending in 1985, for four countrysies: Great Britain, Sweden, France, and Canada. It can be clearly seen from the graph that theft of vehicles hasvehicle thefts exhibited an increasing trend towards the end of the period in all four countryies. Great Britain holds the top possition with over 20 thefts per thousand of vehicles in 1960. Thought the rate increased steadily, reaching a peak of around 37 per thousand by 1985. Second highest is Sweden for the year Sweden had the second highest rate in 1960. It, starting from just above 10 thefts per thousand of vehicles riseand rising to 22 per thousand by 1985. France and Canada have a same trend and similarshow a similar trend with comparable starting and endindg points. They begian at around 5 thefts per 1000thousand vehicles in 1960 and endinged at approcximately 8 thefts per thousand in 1985. Both country withies maintained lower rates of thefts compared to Sweden and Great Britain throughout the entire 25-years time frame. I Overall, it can alsobe mentioned that overall theft rates are increasinged for all countries over the time period ofrom 1960 to 1985.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph and making comparisons between the countries. Key strengths include a logical structure and the identification of trends. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing clarity and precision in data presentation, as well as correcting grammatical errors. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving sentence construction for better coherence, and ensuring proper use of vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific data points and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, phrases like 'It can clearly see from graph' should be rephrased for clarity. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'in contrast' or 'similarly,' would help in linking ideas more effectively.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as 'countrys' instead of 'countries' and 'hold the top possiton' instead of 'holds the top position.' These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. While there is some range in sentence structure, the frequent mistakes indicate a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'thefts in thousand of vehicles' and 'country with lower rates of thefts.' More varied vocabulary and precise terms would enhance the quality. For example, using 'incidents of theft' instead of 'thefts' could improve lexical variety.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph and making comparisons between the countries. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and could benefit from more specific data points and clearer comparisons. For example, stating the exact figures for each country at key points would enhance the response. Additionally, the introduction could be more precise regarding the nature of the data presented.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."