The line graph illustrates the number of visits to and from the United Kingdom between 1979 and 1999, while the bar graph presents the most popular destinations visited by UK residents in 1999.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Looking at these graphs, we can see interesting information about how British people travel and how many people come to visit the UK. The first graph shows two lines that go uprise over twenty years, and the second graph tells us where UK peopleresidents like to go most. From the line graph, it is clear that both visits to and from the UK have increased a lotsignificantly between 1979 and 1999. In 1979, around 20 million visits wasere made by people going out from the UK, and this number went upincreased steadily until it reached nearly 50 million in 1999. SA similar pattern can be seen for visits to the UK, but the numbers are a bit lower, starting from approximately 12 million and going uprising to about 25 million. When we look atexamine the bar graph for 1999, it shows that France was the most popular country visited by UK residents visited. More than 10 million visits were made to France, which is much more than to other countries. Spain came in second place, gettreceiving about 8 million visits from British people. AfterFollowing these two, the numbers get smallerdecrease quickly, with the USA, Greece, and Turkey all having lessfewer than 5 million visits. It is interesting that even though many British people gotravel to France and Spain, these numbers make sense because these countries are close to the UK and easy to reach. Also,dditionally, the weather in these places is usually better than in the UK, which probably makes them more attractive for holidays. In conclusion, the data shows that travel both to and from the UK grew lotsignificantly over the years, with European countries being the most popular destinations.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear understanding of the task and a logical structure. The writer effectively summarizes the key trends in the line graph and provides relevant details about the bar graph. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, the use of more varied vocabulary, and enhanced cohesion through better transitions. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the clarity of sentences, and refining the introduction and conclusion for better coherence. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more specific data points and comparisons, as well as explore additional insights into the trends observed. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between points could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'when we look at' could be replaced with more formal transitions such as 'in terms of' or 'regarding'. Improving the use of linking words would enhance the overall cohesion.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('the first graph show' should be 'the first graph shows') and incorrect verb forms ('went up steady' should be 'increased steadily'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with some variety. However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'visits' and 'countries', which could be replaced with synonyms to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Additionally, phrases like 'go up steady' should be corrected to 'increased steadily' for better accuracy and formality.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the key trends in the line graph and providing details about the bar graph. However, it lacks some depth in analysis and could benefit from clearer comparisons and more specific data points. For improvement, the writer could include more precise figures and a more thorough explanation of the trends observed.
6.5

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