The line graph provides information about the percentage of marriages per year that fell in the UK from 1951 to 2009.

Part 1 (Academic)
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The line grahph showings the detailes of how manythe percentage of marriages were fell downthat declined each years from 1951 to 2009 in the United Kingdom. According to the grahp, theph, marriages were at almost 100 percentage in year 1951, but it was falled downthis figure gradually decreased year by year and, reached toing nearly 0 percentage in 2009. In 1951, the percentage of marriages was very high, which isat almost 100 percentage. But in. However, in the next 10 years, it was decreeased to around 90 percentage. After that, the percentage of marriages was going down more and morecontinued to decline more significantly each years. InBy 1971, it was about 80 percentage, and in 1981, it was around 70 percentage. The percentage of marriages was continued to decreease and, reached toing nearly 50 percentage in 1991. In Over the last 18 years, from 1991 to 2009, the percentage of marriages was fell down very fastsharply. In 2001, it was only around 20 percentage, and finalyly, in 2009, it was reached to nearly 0 percentage. In conclutsion, the percentage of marriages in UK wasthe UK decreeased very muchsignificantly from 1951 to 2009 and it was almost, ultimately approaching 0 percentage in by 2009.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by describing the trend in marriage percentages in the UK over the specified period. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear chronological progression of data. However, critical areas for improvement include the use of more precise vocabulary, such as replacing 'fell down' with 'declined' and correcting spelling errors. The overall coherence could be enhanced by incorporating a wider range of linking phrases. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary further to avoid repetition and enhancing the overview paragraph to summarize the trends more effectively. The tone used is appropriate for an academic report, maintaining a formal and objective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents a chronological account of the data, but the organization is somewhat repetitive and lacks effective linking phrases. For instance, phrases like 'in last 18 years' could be better articulated as 'over the last 18 years.' The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall flow. To enhance coherence, the writer should use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('were fell down,' 'was falled down'), spelling mistakes ('grahp,' 'detailes,' 'mariages,' 'decreesed'), and awkward constructions. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling and grammatical correctness, as well as varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is basic and contains several inaccuracies, such as 'fell down' and 'decreesed.' There is also repetition of the word 'percentage' and 'mariages,' which could be varied with synonyms like 'weddings' or 'rates.' To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary and ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context.
4.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the trend in marriage percentages in the UK from 1951 to 2009. However, it lacks clarity and precision in some areas, such as the use of 'fell down' instead of 'declined' or 'decreased.' Additionally, the writing could benefit from more specific data points and a clearer summary of the overall trend. To improve, the writer should focus on using more accurate vocabulary and providing a more structured overview of the data.
5.0

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