The line graph shows the number of passengers at a Paris Metro station. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The image is showing the amount of people which uses pllustrates the number of people using the Paris mMetro station, represented by a line grahph. The x-axees is showingis indicates the time byin hours and, while the y-axees is showings the number of passengers byin thousands. The graph havefeatures two lines,: one isn blue and onethe other isn red. Both lines starting from 6 am and slowly going upgradually rise until around 8 am in the morning. Then blue line keep going up but red line go down little bitAfter this point, the blue line continues to ascend, whereas the red line dips slightly before also going upincreasing again until aroundpproximately 6 pm. AfterFollowing 6 pm, both line start going down but blue line going down more faster thens begin to decline, but the blue line decreases at a faster rate than the red line. To In summariesy, both line showings exhibit a similar pattern throughout the day, with morning and evening having highst number of passengers. But blue line alwayspeak passenger numbers occurring in the morning and evening. However, the blue line consistently haves more passengers than then red line, except during the early morning and late night when they have almost sameir numbers are nearly equal.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the line graph and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include the identification of trends and the overall structure of the response. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in data presentation, the use of more varied vocabulary, and grammatical accuracy. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, enhancing the overview, and improving transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific data points for key times and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences could be better linked to enhance clarity. For example, using phrases like 'In contrast' or 'Similarly' could improve the transitions between ideas. A clearer introduction and conclusion would also help.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures, such as 'the graph have two lines' instead of 'the graph has two lines'. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and pluralization. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures for better clarity.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive, with terms like 'line' and 'passengers' appearing multiple times. There are also spelling errors, such as 'highst' instead of 'highest' and 'exept' instead of 'except'. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling accuracy.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks clarity in some areas, such as the specific details about the lines and their significance. To improve, the writer could provide more precise data points and clearer comparisons, such as specific passenger numbers at key times.
6.0

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