The line graph shows visits to Disneyland and Sea World from 2001-2005. The bar chart shows the most popular rides and attractions in Disneyland. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph shows theillustrates the number of visits ton Disneyland and Sea World from 2001 untilto 2005. Visits into Disneyland start at around 18 million in 2001 and grows and to over 20 million inby 2005, while Sea World starts lower at aroundpproximately 10 million in 2001 and ending onlys with just over 10 million in 2005. The bar chart showdisplays Disneyland's most popularest rides and attractions. It showsindicates that Space Mountain and Matterhorn were the most popular, with about 8-9 million riders each. Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted mMansion had abroutnd 7.5 millions riders. It's a sSmall wWorld and Indiana jJones Adventure had aroundpproximately 6.5-7 million riders each. Splash mMountain had the fewest riders at, with about 6 million riders. In comparison, the line graph shows that Disneyland has muchd significantly more visitors than Sea World over the 5 five-year period. Sea World stays quiteremained relatively steady, just above 10 million visitors each year, with only a small increase over time, but Disneyland increases a lot. In contrast, Disneyland experienced a substantial increase from 18 million untilto over 20 million inby 2005. The bar chart showsfurther illustrates that Space mMountain and Matterhorn are the most popular rides at Disneyland, while Splash Mountains is the least popular ofamong the rides shown. The more popular rides like, such as Space mMountains and Matterhorn have almost, attract nearly half as many riders as the total Disneyland visits each years, butwhereas less popular onrides like Splash mMountain only have a third as many riders asaccount for a third of the total visits. In conclusion, Disneyland had mansignificantly more visitors thean Sea World over the 5 year timefive-year period, and certain rides, like Space mMountain, were more popular but still didnt have. However, these rides still did not attract nearly as many riders as the total number of visitors to Disneyland pereach year, according to the charts.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph and bar chart, making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a clear presentation of data and a logical structure. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing clarity in presenting trends and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and providing a more detailed analysis of trends. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are slightly awkward, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing the line graph and the bar chart could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'in addition' or 'furthermore,' would enhance the connection between ideas. A clearer introduction and conclusion would also help in guiding the reader through the text.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Sea World start lower' should be 'Sea World starts lower') and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'grows and over 20 million' should be 'grows to over 20 million'). To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to enhance complexity.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and minor errors, such as 'popularest' instead of 'most popular' and 'milions' instead of 'millions.' The use of phrases like 'the fewest riders' and 'most popular rides' demonstrates a good range, but the writer could benefit from incorporating more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating 'riders,' synonyms like 'visitors' or 'guests' could be used.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph and bar chart, making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting data and could benefit from more detailed analysis. For example, the mention of specific figures is good, but the overall trends could be articulated more clearly. To improve, the writer could provide a more structured overview of the data and ensure that comparisons are explicitly stated.
6.5

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