The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The line graph illustrates steel production as well as demand in the UK atin 2010, alongside the number of workers in the steel industry. Overall, demand for steel is more higher than production, while the number of workers employed remains constant throughout the year. In At the beginning of the year, production of steel beginstarts at around 10 million tonnes, which is lower than its demands at of 12 million tonnes. TheAlthough production have fluctuate bus, it shows an rise overall rise, reaching a high point in oOctober at approximately 14 million tonnes. In Ccontrast, steel demand stayremains relatively stable, hovering between 11 toand 13 million tonnes throughout the year, except for a slightly decrease in August. Regarding the number of workers in the steel industry, it stayed mostly unchanged at just over 15,000 people from January andto December. There is only one dip oin April when it dropped to around 14,800 employees before quickly recovering back up again nextthe following month. In summary, steel production in the UK experienced growth to catch up with demands in 2010, although it still did not equal it by the end of the year. Meanwhile, workerthe number of workers was quite consistent, with little change happened to itoccurring throughout the year.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graphs, including production, demand, and employment in the steel industry. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear overview of the trends. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in presenting comparisons and trends, as well as grammatical accuracy. Structural changes made include correcting awkward phrases and ensuring proper article usage, which enhances clarity and professionalism. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and using more linking phrases to improve coherence. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, 'In beginning of year' should be 'At the beginning of the year.' The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking phrases more effectively to connect ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('production have fluctuate'), incorrect article usage ('the number workers'), and awkward phrasing. While the overall meaning is conveyed, these errors detract from the clarity and professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'million tonnes' and 'number of workers.' Additionally, some phrases are awkward, like 'more high' instead of 'higher.' To improve, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graphs, including production, demand, and employment in the steel industry. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting comparisons and trends, such as the specific figures for demand and production at various points. To improve, the writer could provide clearer comparisons and more precise data points.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."