The map below shows an industrial area in the town of Norbiton and planned future developments of the site. Summarise the information by reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The maps illustrate how an industrial zone in Norbiton is going to change in the future, and it shows many different changehighlighting several significant transformations that will happenoccur in this area. Looking at the current situation, we can see that the industrial area is havingconsists of many factories and warehouses. There is biga large warehouse in the northern part, and it takes up lowhich occupies a considerable amount of space. Alsodditionally, there are three factory buildings in the middle area, and they are connected by roads that gorun between them. The southern part hasfeatures a parking space where workers putcan park their cars, and there is also a small office building next to parking area. When we look atadjacent to the parking area. In examining the future development plan, we can noticit is evident that the area will change completely. The warehouse will be removed, and in its place, there will be a residential area with numerous houses and apartments. They are planning to buildconstruct many houses in this partsection. The factories in the middle will also disappear, and instead, there will be a shopping centre that takes upoccupies most of the space. This shopping centre will have biginclude a large parking area in front of it, which is muchsignificantly bigger than the current parking space. In conclusion, the industrial area of Norbiton will transform from a manufacturing zone into a place where people can live and shop. This change shows howreflects how the city is moving away from industry to become more residential and commercial area. The most significant changes arinclude the replacement of the warehouse with houses and the factories with a shopping facility.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the maps and highlights the significant changes planned for the industrial area in Norbiton, demonstrating a good understanding of the task. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the specificity of details regarding the number of houses and the size of the shopping centre, as well as improving grammatical accuracy and variety in vocabulary. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, correcting grammatical errors, and enhancing transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more complex sentence structures and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the phrase 'When we look at future development plan' could be rephrased to improve clarity. Using more cohesive devices would help in linking ideas more effectively.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'there is big warehouse' (should be 'there is a big warehouse') and 'it takes up lot of space' (should be 'it takes up a lot of space'). These errors affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the grammatical range.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with terms like 'industrial zone', 'residential area', and 'shopping centre' being relevant. However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'area' and 'space', which could be varied with synonyms to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Additionally, phrases like 'big warehouse' could be replaced with more sophisticated vocabulary, such as 'large warehouse'.
7.0
Task Achievement
The response effectively summarizes the main features of the maps and highlights the significant changes planned for the industrial area in Norbiton. However, it could improve by providing more specific details about the number of houses and the size of the shopping center compared to the current facilities. Additionally, a clearer comparison between the current and future states could enhance the response.
7.5

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