The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbition, and planned future development of the site.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The map is showings an industryial area of Norbition town. It contains two map,s: one map is showingdepicting the present time and anthe other map showing future plan forillustrating the future development ofplan for this area. In presthe current map, we can see that there are factory inies on the north and east sides. IOn the south side, there haveis a car park, and ion the west side, there is a residential area. In the middle of the map, there is a main road. In the future plan map, the factory inon the north side will be removed, and in its place, there will be a park. The factory inon the east side will also be removed, and in its place, there will be new housing dewvelopment. The car park ion the south side will also be removed, and in its place, there will be a school. The residential area inon the west side will not change. Tremain unchanged, and the main road in the middle of the map will also not change. In conclusion, the future plan map showings that the industryial area will changed to include more residential and public areaspaces. The factoryies will be removed, and in itstheir place, there will be a park, housing, and a school. This plan will make the area more suitable for living and will provide more facilityies for the people who live there.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, effectively describing the current industrial area and the planned future developments. Key strengths include a clear identification of the main features of both maps and a logical structure. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing detail and clarity, particularly regarding the specific locations of changes. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the flow of ideas; incorporating more linking words would improve coherence. Additionally, there are several grammatical errors and spelling inaccuracies that detract from the overall quality. The tone is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal style throughout. For further improvements, the writer could focus on expanding vocabulary, correcting grammatical structures, and providing more detailed comparisons between the two maps.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. There are some abrupt transitions between sentences, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas, such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'on the other hand.'
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('factory in north side will removed') and incorrect verb forms. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the text.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'residental' instead of 'residential' and 'dewelopment' instead of 'development.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors. Incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions would enhance the lexical resource.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the current industrial area and the planned future developments. However, it lacks detail and clarity in some areas, such as the specific locations of the changes. To improve, the writer could provide more precise descriptions and comparisons between the two maps, ensuring that all relevant features are mentioned.
5.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."