The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The two maps shows an industrial area in Norbiton town and how it will be developed in the future. Overall, the maps illustrates that the industrial area will be transformed into a residential area with various facilities. In the first map, we can see that there is a main road running through the middle of the industrial area, with factoryies on both sides. To the north of the main road, there are three factories, and to the south, there are four factoryies. All of the factories have their own car parks. The second map shows the planned future development of the site. The main road will remain unchanged, but the factories will be replaced by housing. There will be two blocks of houses to the north of the road and three blocks to the south. In addition, there will be a new school will be built in the north-west corner of the site, andlong with a playground just below it. A shopping centere will also be constructed in the south-east corner of the area. i In conclusion, the maps show that the industrial area in Norbiton will undergo significant changes, with factories being replaced by houses and new facilities such as a school, playground, and shopping centere being added to improve the living standards of residents.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the maps and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and plural forms, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing cohesion with better transitions, and ensuring proper pluralization. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific data about the changes and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, there are some issues with cohesion, particularly in the use of linking words and phrases. For example, the transition between the description of the current state and the future development could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('The two map shows' should be 'The two maps show') and incorrect plural forms ('factorys' should be 'factories'). There are also issues with punctuation and capitalization. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'factory' and 'factories') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'illustrates' instead of 'illustrate'). The use of terms like 'residential area' and 'facilities' is good, but the writer could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more varied expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the maps and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in certain areas, such as the specific number of housing blocks and the overall impact of the changes. To improve, the writer could provide more specific data and clearer comparisons between the current and future states.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."