The maps below show the changes that have taken place in Meadowside village and Fonton, a neighbouring town, since 1962.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the task by describing the changes in Meadowside and Fonton since 1962, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving subject-verb agreement, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Further improvements could include providing more specific details about the extent of changes and their implications, as well as varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay presents a logical sequence of ideas, but the flow could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between sentences could be smoother. Using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the connection between ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'has changed' should be 'have changed') and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'are build' should be 'are built'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'expend' instead of 'expanded' and 'constracted' instead of 'constructed.' To improve, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by describing the changes in Meadowside and Fonton since 1962. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in certain areas, such as the specific changes in Meadowside and Fonton. To improve, the writer could provide more precise information about the extent of changes and their implications.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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