The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the maps and makes relevant comparisons between 1930 and 2010, demonstrating a clear understanding of the changes in Stokeford. Key strengths include a logical structure and appropriate vocabulary usage. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific data or figures to support claims, smoother transitions between points, and a reduction in repetitive phrases. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors and enhancing cohesion with clearer linking phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating specific numerical data from the maps and varying vocabulary further to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining formality and clarity throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the village center to the outskirts could benefit from clearer linking phrases to enhance cohesion.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are minor errors, such as 'illustrates' instead of 'illustrate' and 'a few house' instead of 'a few houses.' These errors do not significantly impede understanding but do detract from the overall accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'significant development,' 'housing developments,' and 'infrastructure' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'village center' and 'housing developments,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response effectively summarizes the main features of the maps and makes relevant comparisons between 1930 and 2010. However, it could be improved by providing more specific data or figures from the maps to support the claims made, which would enhance the overall clarity and depth of the analysis.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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