The maps show a bookstore in 2000 and now.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The given images is illustratinge changes whichthat occurred in a bookshop between the year 2000 and the present. Overall, the bookstore has undergone significant changes in it's layout over the given period of time. In the beginning, in 2000, the bookstore had sepearate sections for fictions and references books. The shop also containsed a section for audio and video cassettes. Additionally, the bookstore had a sepearate counter for selling CDs. The entrance iwas located at the bottom of the map. However, in the present day, the layout of the bookshop has changed drastically. The fiction and reference sections have been combined into one large area for books. The audio cassettes and video section has been replaced by a seating area for customers to read books. The CD counter has been removed and replaced by a coffee shop. The entrance is stillremains at the same location at the bottom of the map. In conclusion, the bookstore has adapted to changing times by consolidating it's book sections, removing outdated media like cassettes and CDs, and adding a seating area and coffee shop to enhance the customer experience.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by describing the changes in the bookstore from 2000 to the present, providing a clear overview and details about the layout changes. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure and a clear progression of ideas. The overall message is conveyed well, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing coherence and cohesion by using more cohesive devices to link ideas, as well as improving lexical resource by varying vocabulary and correcting inaccuracies. The grammatical range and accuracy could also be improved by addressing errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. The introduction was slightly rephrased for clarity, and transitions were added to enhance flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific data or comparisons to enhance the depth of analysis and further varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to improve flow. For example, using cohesive devices like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the connection between points. The conclusion is clear but could be more effectively tied back to the main points discussed.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('has under gone' should be 'has undergone') and incorrect article usage ('the begining' should be 'the beginning'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy, but the overall meaning is still conveyed.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'bookstore' and 'section.' More varied vocabulary could enhance the writing. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies, such as 'it's' instead of 'its' and 'seperate' instead of 'separate,' which detract from the overall lexical quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the changes in the bookstore from 2000 to the present. It provides a clear overview and details about the layout changes. However, it could be improved by including more specific data or comparisons, such as the number of sections or the size of areas, to enhance the depth of the analysis.
7.0

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