The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am somewhat agree with the opinion that having a high income is the most importeant consideration when choosing any career or job. Money is an importeant factor when choosing a job, but it is not the only factor to consider. Firstly, a high income provides financial security and stability. With a high salary, one can afford better living conditions, education for their children, and save for retirement. HAdditionally, a high income also allows for more leisure activities and travel opportunities. Therefore, many people prioritize high income when choosing a career path. However, job satisfaction and fulfillment are equally important aspects to consider. A high-paying job that is stressful, unfulfilling, or not aligned with one's values can lead to unhappiness and burnout. It is importantcrucial to find a balance between income and personal satisfaction in a career. Additionally Moreover, other factors such as work-life balance, growth opportunities, and company culture should also be taken into account. A lower-paying job with a positive work environment, flexible hours, and opportunities for advancement may be more appealing to some individuals than a high-paying job with poor work-life balance. In conclusion, while high income is a significeant consideration when choosing a career, it should not be the only factor. Job satisfaction, work-life balance, and growth opportunities are also important aspects to consider for long-term happiness and success in a career. TUltimately, the most suitable career path may vary for each individual based on their priorityies and values.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of high income in career choice while also acknowledging other factors such as job satisfaction and work-life balance. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors, enhancing transitions between points, and providing more specific examples to strengthen the argument. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better linking phrases, and refining the conclusion for clarity. Further improvements could involve incorporating personal anecdotes or examples to illustrate points more vividly and reducing repetition of phrases like 'high income' by using synonyms. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing high income to job satisfaction could benefit from clearer linking phrases. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall flow of the essay.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors in subject-verb agreement ('I am somewhat agree') and other grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity. Improving sentence structure and ensuring grammatical accuracy would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'importent', 'significent', 'prioritys') that detract from the overall quality. While there is some variety in word choice, the repetition of phrases like 'high income' could be reduced by using synonyms or paraphrasing to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of high income in career choice while also acknowledging other factors such as job satisfaction and work-life balance. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate points more vividly. Additionally, the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the stance taken.
7.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?