The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some of the people thinks that music areis essential for releaseieving stress. In miney opinion, I agrees that music areis very important and haves many functions, even though there are many other ways to reduce stresses. . On the one hand, music can bring joy and happiness to people's lifeves. When we listen to our favourite songs, it can make us happy and help us forget about the problems of life. Music can also can bring back good memories of the past, which can makes us feel nuostalgia and remind us of happy times. Additionally, some types of musics, such as classical or ambient, can help us to relax and calm down, which is very helpful for reduceing stresses. . On the other sidehand, music is not the only way to relleasieve stresses. There are many other activities that can helps people to relax and forget about theire problems. For example, exercising, meditating, or talking to friends and family can also be very effective in reducing stress. Some people may find that reading a book or watching a movie is more helpful for them than listening to music. It is depends on individual preferences and what works best for each persons. In the. In conclusions, while I agree that music areis very important and can helps people reduce stress, it is not the only way to achieve this. Everyone has different ways of copeing with stress, and it is important to find what works best for you. Whether it is listensing to music, exercising, or talking to loved ones, the most important thing is to take care of your mental health and find ways to manage stress in a healthy way.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt effectively. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs discussing different aspects of the role of music in stress relief. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the use of a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between ideas, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples to support the arguments and varying sentence structures for greater complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs discussing different aspects of the topic. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences feel disjointed. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would enhance the flow of the essay.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('Some of the people thinks'), incorrect verb forms ('I agrees'), and awkward constructions ('it is depend on individual preferences'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'reduce stress' and 'helps people'). Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in word forms and collocations (e.g., 'release stress' should be 'relieve stress'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct usage.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the role of music in reducing stress and acknowledges other methods for stress relief. However, the argument could be more clearly structured, and the position could be more explicitly stated. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and a clearer thesis statement at the beginning.
6.0

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