The natural resources such as oil and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems can it cause? How can we solve this problem?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The problem of wasting the our natural resources, such as oils and water, is very big problema significant issue nowadays. In this easyssay, I will explain what issuethe problems it can create and also the solutions forto these issues. Firstly, if we overuse oils and fresh water, then first of all itre will be a shortage of these resources in the world. Because tThese resources isare limited, and if not used carefully, then ity can finishbe depleted very fastquickly. Secondly, due to this overconsumption, many people have to face problems likesuch as not having enough water to drink or use. Also, because oils are used to making many things like plasticdditionally, since oil is used to produce a wide range of products, there will bealso be a shortage of such things to. items. To solve this issue, the government has to take some actions. They have to makemust take decisive actions. They should implement strict laws to control the usage of oils and water. AlsoFurthermore, they should give knowledge to peopleeducate the public on how to saconserve these resources by conducting awareness programs in schools, offices etc, and other community spaces. People should also understand the importance of saving and useresources and using them carefully in day totheir daily life. Likeves, such as turning off taps when not using,in use and using a bucket to takefor bathing instead of showers etc. In conclusion, if we take the right actions onat the right time, we can solveaddress the issue of overusing natural resources and make the world a better place to live.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing both the problems and potential solutions related to the overconsumption of natural resources. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer presents relevant points and suggestions for solutions, which shows an understanding of the topic. Critical areas for improvement include the need for more elaboration on the consequences of resource depletion and a more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. The original essay contained grammatical errors that affected clarity, which have been corrected in the revised version. Structural changes made include improving the flow between paragraphs and enhancing the clarity of sentences. Transition words such as 'furthermore' and 'additionally' were added to improve coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific consequences of resource depletion and incorporating more varied vocabulary to enhance lexical resource. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is not always smooth, and some sentences lack clear connections. For instance, the transition between discussing the problems and solutions could be more effectively signposted. Using cohesive devices such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' would enhance the logical progression of ideas.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('resources is limited') and awkward constructions ('it will be shortage of these resources'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequency of errors affects overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to enhance complexity.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'wasting the our natural resources' and 'making many things like plastic.' More varied and precise vocabulary could improve the overall quality. For example, instead of 'making many things,' one could say 'producing a wide range of products.' Additionally, the use of terms like 'shortage' and 'issues' could be diversified.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the problems caused by the overconsumption of natural resources and suggesting solutions. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated. For example, the mention of specific consequences of resource depletion could be expanded upon. Additionally, the introduction contains a grammatical error ('the our natural resources'), which detracts from clarity.
5.5

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