The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
1. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure with clear sections for the introduction, overview, details, and conclusion. The writer addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. 2. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Additionally, there are issues with vocabulary repetition and spelling errors that need to be addressed. 3. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors in the introduction and throughout the essay, improving clarity and coherence. The overview was also refined to better summarize the trends observed in the graph. 4. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using a wider range of vocabulary and more varied linking words to enhance cohesion. The writer could also benefit from practicing complex sentence structures to demonstrate a greater grammatical range. 5. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout the writing.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, overview, details, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like 'the graph is about to shows' and 'the increasse in Germany little bit higher' could be improved for clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('who working' should be 'who are working') and incorrect verb forms ('increase' should be 'increased'). These errors affect the clarity of the message. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'work at home people' and 'homework people.' Additionally, there are spelling errors like 'increasse' and 'milllion.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling, which would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks clarity in some areas, such as the introduction, which contains grammatical errors and does not clearly state the purpose of the graph. To improve, the writer should ensure that the introduction is more precise and free of errors, and provide a clearer overview of the trends observed.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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