The parents of your Australian friend Chris have invited you to a surprise party for him. Write a letter to Chris's parents. In your letter say why you think Chris will enjoy the surprise party; explain why you won't be able to attend the party; give details of a plan to see Chris at a different time.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear understanding of the task requirements, as the letter addresses the reason for not attending the party and expresses a plan to meet Chris later. The overall structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a closing statement. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there are several errors in verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the vocabulary could be enhanced by avoiding repetition and correcting spelling mistakes. The use of cohesive devices could also be improved to create smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. The overall coherence of the letter has been improved by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific details about Chris's interests and the planned dinner, which would enhance the depth of the response. Additionally, varying sentence structures could further improve the writing quality. The tone used in the letter is appropriate, as it is friendly and conveys a sense of regret for not being able to attend the party while expressing good wishes for the event.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a basic structure and flows logically, but there are some awkward transitions and a lack of cohesive devices. For example, the sentence 'He likes party a lot and spend time with his friend and family' could be better connected to the previous sentence. Using more linking words and phrases would improve the overall coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ('must to travel', 'he don't expect') and issues with subject-verb agreement ('spend time with his friend and family'). While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'invitating', 'suprise', 'thing') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'surprise party', 'meet everybody together'). To improve, the writer could use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to enhance clarity and sophistication.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining why Chris will enjoy the surprise party, stating the reason for not attending, and providing a plan to meet Chris later. However, the response could be improved by providing more specific details about Chris's interests and the planned dinner, which would enhance the overall relevance and depth of the response.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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