The pictures show the process of making stringhoppers.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The pictures are showing how toillustrate the process of making stringhoppers food, a traditional dish. In the first picture, the person is mixing some flour and water in a big bowl to create dough. The dough lookappears very sticky and wet. NextFollowing this, in the second image, she puts this dough into a machine with many small holes, and pushes the dough through it to make manycreate thin noodles strings. After that, in the third picture, she is puttlacing these stringhoppers noodles onto a round-shaped tray or plate with holes, to makeform a nice shape for cooking. She is carefully arranging the stringhoppers in a circular pattern on the tray. FLastly, in the final picture, the stringhoppers are being steamed in a pot on the stove. There is boiling water underbeneath the tray to cook and steam the stringhoppers until they are ready to eat. In conculusion, the pictures demonstratinge the process of making stringhoppers food, from mixing the dough, then mako creating noodles with a machine, and arranging them on a special tray, and finally cooking them by steaming. It looks like aThis dish appears to be both delicious and interesting food to makto prepare and eatnjoy.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively outlines the process of making stringhoppers, showcasing a clear understanding of the task. Key strengths include a logical sequence of steps and a generally clear description of the process. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb forms and sentence structure, as well as enhancing coherence through varied transitional phrases. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between steps, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical skills. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical sequence, but there are some issues with coherence, particularly in the transitions between steps. Phrases like 'Next image' and 'Final picture' could be replaced with more cohesive devices such as 'Following this' or 'Lastly' to enhance the flow. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'how to making' instead of 'how to make' and 'conculsion' instead of 'conclusion.' The use of tenses is inconsistent, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'stringhoppers' and 'dough.' The phrase 'stringhoppers food' is awkward and could be improved to 'stringhoppers dish.' To enhance the score, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview of the process of making stringhoppers, detailing each step effectively. However, the introduction could be more precise, and the conclusion is somewhat repetitive. To improve, the writer could focus on summarizing the process more succinctly and avoiding redundancy.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."