The pie chart below shows the origins by continent of all students who came to England from abroad to study in 2010. The bar chart shows the numbers of students coming to England from seven Far Eastern countries in the same year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my observation, tThe provided diagrams give information aboutillustrate the origins of international students studying in England during 2010, showhighlighting their continental originbackgrounds and specific numbers from Far East countries. When I look at The pie chart, it clearly showindicates that Asia was bigthe largest source of foreign students in England. I think more than, accounting for over half of all international students came from this continent, while. In contrast, European students were making upcomprised about a quarter of the total number. The oOther continents like, such as Africa and the Americas were having smaller portions, but still significant., contributed smaller yet still significant portions of students. From the bar chart data, I can seeit is evident that China was sendingsent the most students to England among Far Eastern countries. If I remember correctly, withe number was reaching almostnearly 50,000 students, which is very big numbera substantial figure. Japan and South Korea were following aftered China, but their numbers were much smaller, maybeconsiderably lower, at around 15,000 students each. Other countries like, such as Taiwan and Thailand were having, had even lessfewer students studying in England. What is interesting to me is that even though some countries were sending lesssent fewer students, they still chose England for their education. For example, Malaysia and Singapore had smaller numbers, buyet they still participated in international education. I think this showThis suggests that English education was verparticularly attractive forto Asian students during that time. In conclusion, it is clear to mehat thate Asian continent, especially China, was dominatinged the international student numbers in England during 2010. While European students were also significant, but not as many as Asian studenthey were not as numerous as their Asian counterparts. This pattern showindicates that England was vera highly popular destination for international education, particularly for students from the Far East.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the pie chart and bar chart, providing relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the inclusion of specific data points and percentages to enhance the analysis, as well as the use of more cohesive devices for smoother transitions. Structural changes made include rephrasing awkward constructions and improving grammatical accuracy. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and enhancing the formality of expressions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the phrase 'What interesting to me is that...' could be rephrased for better coherence. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall clarity and connection between ideas.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as 'the provided diagrams give information about international students' and 'the number was reaching almost 50,000 students.' To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and subject-verb agreement, ensuring clarity and accuracy in their expressions.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with some variety. However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'students' and 'numbers.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or paraphrase to avoid redundancy. Additionally, phrases like 'very big number' could be replaced with more formal expressions, such as 'a substantial number.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the pie chart and bar chart, providing relevant comparisons. However, it could improve by including specific percentages or clearer data points from the charts to enhance the analysis. For example, stating the exact percentage of students from Europe or the total number of international students would strengthen the response.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."