The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The pie charts showingillustrate the percentage of time spendt by working adults on different activities in one country, in 1958 and 2008. MThe most striking differences are in the time spendt working and the time spent on leisure activities. In 1958, adults spent the most time adult have spent working, at 48%. However, by 2008, this figure hasd dropped to only 20%. In contrast, the amount of their time spent on leisure have rirose from 11% in 1958 to 33% in the 2008. Another notable changes is the increase in time dedicated to childcare. In 1958, adults spent 3% of theyir time on this, but by 2008 it had risen to 12% of their time. T. Additionally, time spent on housework also increased, from 10% to 20% during the 50-year period. In conclusion, the pie charts show that over the 50-year period, working adults in this countriesy have haexperienced a significant shift in how they spend themir time. Work haves decreased, while leisure and childcare have increased. This suggests a change in the priorities and lifestyle of adults in this country between 1958 and 2008.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the pie charts and makes relevant comparisons, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing clarity, and improving the flow between ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for improved flow. For example, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the connection between ideas. Improving the overall flow would elevate the coherence score.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('adult have spent' should be 'adults have spent') and incorrect word forms ('they time' should be 'their time'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'time spent') and some awkward phrases (e.g., 'adult have spent'). The use of terms like 'notable changes' and 'significant shift' shows some range. To improve, the writer could incorporate more varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance the sophistication of the language.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the pie charts and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, such as not specifying the country and having minor inaccuracies in the data representation (e.g., 'adult' should be 'adults'). To improve, the writer could provide a clearer overview of the changes and ensure all data points are accurately represented.
6.5

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