"The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009."

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The two pie chart is showing data about electricity generation in Germany and also France in the year 2009. ItThey include information from all sources, both renewable and non-renewable. According to the first graph, in Germoany, 61% of electricity was generated using convenstional fuel in 2009. Then, the second highest source iwas renewable energy, at 16%. OThe other three sources in Germany was Nere natural gas at 11%, Nnuclear at 12%, and Hhydro-electric waspower, which generated only 0.5% of electric.ity. On the other hand, according to the second pie chrart, in France, most of the electricity in 2009 (90%) was generated from Nnuclear sources. Only 8% was came from conventional fuel, 1%while 1% was from Rrenewable sources, and 1% from Hhydro-electric. power. Overall, it can be seen that although conventional fuel was the main source for electricity generation in Germany, in France N, nuclear power was the primarly source for electric generation. However, in Germany, five sources wasere used for generation, whilen only four sources wasere used in France in 2009.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, effectively comparing electricity generation in Germany and France in 2009. Key strengths include the identification of main sources of electricity and a clear overall summary. However, critical areas for improvement include accuracy in data representation, spelling, and grammatical correctness. Structural changes made include correcting the number of pie charts from singular to plural, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and clarifying the overview paragraph. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include enhancing the range of vocabulary and using more cohesive devices to improve the flow of information. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of information is somewhat disjointed. There are instances of unclear transitions between ideas, such as 'On the other hand' which could be better linked to the previous statement. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure a logical progression of ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('The two pie chart is showing' should be 'The two pie charts show') and incorrect verb forms ('was came' should be 'came'). While the writer demonstrates some grammatical range, the errors affect clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'Germony', 'convensional', 'chrat', 'Renewble', 'fom', 'althogh', 'primarly') that detract from the overall quality. The writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling accuracy to improve this score.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by comparing the electricity generation in Germany and France in 2009. However, it lacks clarity in presenting the data and contains inaccuracies, such as the misrepresentation of percentages and sources. To improve, the writer should ensure accurate data representation and provide a clearer overview of the main points.
6.0

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