The place I want to visit

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

For many years, I have dreamed about visiting Dubai. It is a place that I amhave wanted to see it fromfor a long time. There are a few reasons why I want to go there so much in my life. Firstly, Dubai is known byfor its tall buildings. They have a building named Burj kKhalifa, which is the tallerst building in the world. I want to go onto the top and look at the view of the whole city from there. Alsodditionally, Dubai has a lot of biglarge malls where you can buy anything what you want, so it’s perfect for shopping and spending money. Secondly, I like that Dubai is a very modern city with goodexcellent infrastructure. The roads look very clean and nice, unot like in my country. And eEven the desert, they made it look nice has been transformed to look appealing, and people can doengage in different activityies there, likesuch as driving buggies in the seand or riding the camels. For In conclusion, Dubai is definitely the place I want to visit because of its attractions like, such as tall buildings and malls, and because ofs well as its modern city withand good infrastructure, even in the desert. It is my dream to travel there, and I hope it will come true soon in the future when I will have enough money to go.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear desire to visit Dubai, effectively addressing the task. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the depth of detail provided about attractions. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing vocabulary, and improving coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include adding personal anecdotes or experiences related to the desire to visit Dubai and using more sophisticated vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for the task, conveying enthusiasm and personal aspiration.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for smoother transitions. For example, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Moreover' could enhance the flow between ideas. Improving the overall coherence would strengthen the writing.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('dream about visit'), missing articles ('the view of whole city'), and awkward constructions ('I am want to see it from long time'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and verb conjugation, ensuring proper grammar usage throughout.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'tall buildings' and 'big mall.' Additionally, phrases like 'good infrastructure' could be replaced with more sophisticated vocabulary. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
5.0
Task Achievement
The writing addresses the task of describing a place the writer wants to visit, specifically Dubai. However, it lacks depth and development in some areas, such as providing more specific details about attractions or personal motivations. To improve, the writer could elaborate on why these attractions are appealing and include personal anecdotes or experiences related to the desire to visit.
5.0

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