The pros and cons of inflation in my country
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the topic of inflation, discussing both its pros and cons, which is a key strength. The structure is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in the depth of analysis and the inclusion of specific examples or data to support the arguments made. The transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve coherence. Additionally, the essay contained several spelling and grammatical errors that detracted from its overall quality. The structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate specific examples related to inflation in their country and vary their vocabulary to demonstrate a broader lexical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, using phrases like 'in addition' or 'furthermore' could help to better link the ideas presented.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. For instance, 'activitys' should be 'activities', and 'depts' should be 'debts'. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of their writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'effects' should be 'affects', 'lifes' should be 'lives', 'essey' should be 'essay', 'encorages' should be 'encourages', 'activitys' should be 'activities', 'depts' should be 'debts', 'goverments' should be 'governments'). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing. To improve, the writer should proofread their work to correct these mistakes and consider using a wider range of vocabulary.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the topic of inflation, discussing both its pros and cons. However, it lacks depth in analysis and examples to support the points made. To improve, the writer could provide specific examples or data related to inflation in their country, which would enhance the argument and demonstrate a clearer understanding of the topic.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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