The school library is seeking applications for a job over summer break. You want to apply for the job. Write a letter to the manager of the library: Introduce yourself Tell about your past experience and skills Give reasons why you need that job
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure and a logical flow of ideas. The writer effectively introduces themselves and outlines their past experience and reasons for applying for the job. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing clarity and detail in the description of relevant skills and experiences. The letter also contained several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affected coherence. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and adding specific skills relevant to the library position. Transition phrases were also added to enhance the flow between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific experiences in the bookstore and school library, as well as using a wider range of vocabulary to convey enthusiasm and professionalism. The tone used is appropriate for a job application, being polite and formal while expressing enthusiasm for the position.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall coherence. For example, 'I very interested in this work becouse i have skills that match to job' could be rephrased for clarity. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the connection between ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, such as missing articles ('a library' instead of 'library'), incorrect verb forms ('I writing' should be 'I am writing'), and issues with subject-verb agreement ('I very interested' should be 'I am very interested'). These errors affect the clarity of the message. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and verb tenses.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'becouse' should be 'because', 'learn' should be 'learned', 'to job' should be 'to the job'). The writer uses some relevant terms related to the library context, but a wider range of vocabulary would strengthen the letter. For example, instead of 'good experience', the writer could use 'valuable experience'.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by introducing the writer, discussing past experience, and explaining the need for the job. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in certain areas, such as the specific skills that match the job. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples of skills and experiences relevant to the library position.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card
The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.
A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need
Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you