The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The table and charts shows information about the police budget for the two years 2017 and 2018 in Britain area. The table giveindicates where the money comes from and charts shows, while the charts illustrate how the money was dividallocated. In 2017, most of moneythe majority of the funding coames from the police authority which is, amounting to 50.3 million pounds. SThe second largest source iswas the central govern, givment, contributing 30.2 million pounds. In 2018, the police authority still give mostcontinued to provide the most funding at 55.8 million pounds, but this time bussiness and loccal funding comes secondbecame the second largest source with 25.1 million pounds. CThe central govern give less in 2018 atment provided less in 2018, contributing only 20 million pounds. For Regarding the distribution of moneythe budget, in both years, most of it gothe funds were allocated to civil staff salaryies and police salaries. Together is more than 50 percent for, which together accounted for more than 50 percent of the total budget in both years. Other costs and building costs stayremained almost the same, but transport and equipment decrease little bitexpenses decreased slightly from 2017 to 2018. In conclusion, the police budget is mostprimarily comes from the police authority and the government. Most of it was used to paidy civil staff and police officers. BOverall, the budget and its distribution did not change to muchsignificantly between the two years.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the police budget for 2017 and 2018. Key strengths include a clear structure and the inclusion of relevant data. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of analysis and making clearer comparisons between the two years, particularly regarding percentage changes in funding sources. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and refining vocabulary for clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed comparisons and possibly incorporating visual aids to enhance understanding. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are choppy and lack smooth transitions. For example, the phrase 'In 2017, most of money comes from police authority' could be better linked to the following sentence. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance clarity and coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are multiple grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the table and charts shows'), incorrect verb forms ('give' instead of 'gives'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, the presence of these errors affects the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and verb forms.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'most of money' and 'bussiness and loccal funding.' The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling to improve the overall quality of the writing.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the police budget for 2017 and 2018. However, it lacks depth in analysis and comparison, which is essential for a higher score. For improvement, the writer could include more specific figures and make clearer comparisons between the two years, such as highlighting the percentage changes in funding sources.
6.0

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